


we risked it all

by exotictragedy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Forever Home, M/M, and a dog :), and i managed to write an entire fic with no swearing idk how but nice, supporting each other, this is essentially just a giant flashback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:45:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exotictragedy/pseuds/exotictragedy
Summary: Dan reflects on his and Phil's story and the risks they took and the conflicts they faced and how they persevered and kept committing to each other.





	we risked it all

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: i have not read either of their books and i wrote this all in one sitting and did not look up dates to make sure i got stuff right, so there may be some inaccuracies. i'm sorry in advance. also, since i wrote this all in one go, there may be grammatical errors as well. feel free to let me know if you see any so i can go back and fix them :)

Dan never really imagined they would have ended up where they are — a big house, a successful career, financial stability.

It hadn’t always been like this. There was insecurity, there were arguments, and sometimes Dan hadn’t been sure if what they were doing was worth it?

Was youtube even going to work out? Would he and Phil end up with nothing? Should they take risks and what risks should they be willing to take?

Phil was more fearless when it came to the big decisions than Dan was. Less hesitant to take the leap and the prospect of failure and fallout wasn’t a (something that held him back)

His family was well off, he had a degree to fall back on and ambitions and desires to pursue if things ended up not working out. Dan…didn’t.

Dan didn’t know what he wanted to do, he didn’t have a degree, his previous jobs had flopped and his family wasn’t a reliable security net.

Dan was scared of things. He was more aware of the world and the harsh burn of reality. Sometimes he thought Phil’s earnest and positive outlook on the world and all the possibilities and chances out there was endearing; but often he found himself with a bitter taste in the back of his throat.

He often had to bite his tongue in order to not spit out snide comments.

He didn’t want to bring his negativity, his pessimism, into Phil’s happy go lucky fantasy world.

As much as he wanted Phil to understand where he was coming from and that sometimes things don’t work out, he knew it wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth an inevitable argument or Phil avoiding him for a day.

So, for the majority of the time, Dan internalized his doubts and fears. But he was still human and sometimes he snapped. He shot words at Phil with a bite and a glare in his eyes.

Every argument was different. Sometimes Phil fought back and sometimes he just walked out of the room. Sometimes after Dan said something he would leave so he wouldn’t have to see the hurt expression on Phil’s face.

But sometimes, Phil came up to him. He didn’t fight back; he didn’t leave. Instead, he comforted Dan, because even though the words hurt him, he knew Dan didn’t want to hurt him. So he held Dan close and changed the subject to something lighter, something to take their minds away from the negativity.

—  
It was when they were both content and relaxed that they discussed the future together. Their hopes and dreams for youtube; their fantasies of a life together — buying a house and getting a dog.

Sometimes there was tension when they addressed the more serious decisions they had to make.

Not to far into the future they would be moving to London to work for the BBC. Rent was expensive and although the BBC and Youtube would supply some income, they feared it wouldn’t be enough. It was a risky decision, but they decided to take the leap and hope things turned out for the best.

Phil wanted to stop relying on his parents and become fiscally responsible.

Consequently Phil started worrying in the same way Dan always had, and Dan had to be the one to support him. Phil had always been there for him and now it was his turn.

He spoke words of encouragement and although Dan was lying reassurances through his teeth that lacked substance and truth, Phil took comfort in Dan’s words.

Normally Dan never lied to Phil, but Phil’s happiness was something special that shouldn’t have to be tainted with uncertainty and the skepticism of if things would work out. Phil shouldn’t have to sacrifice his positivity for fear because the notion of independence was daunting.

—

London was intimidating, Dan decided. Not only was the city was vast and extensive, but people were always bustling about, sirens were wailing through all hours of the day and night — there was so much activity. So much more than he was accustomed to.

As they grew acquainted to the city and fell into the routine of working for the radio and making youtube videos through the week, things started to look up.

Their channels started growing, and life was good until the v-day video leaked. Naturally pandemonium ensued and this leak was substantially worse than the first one.

Dan would be lying if he said it didn’t put a strain on their relationship.

Dan handled conflict different than Phil did. Phil essentially removed himself from the issue and ghosted the whole ordeal, only involving himself in taking down videos for copyright infringement.

On the contrary, Dan spit words of fire online — he was angry, he was annoyed, and by the time everything was over he was honestly surprised people still wanted to follow him and watch his content.

Phil, in the same way he responded to fans online, communicated with Dan by pretending the situation didn’t even exist.

And although they still slept in the same bed, shared meals at night and their lives still revolved around each other, they grew distant.

Dan tried talking to Phil about it a couple times, but Phil just ignored his pleading attempts

Subsequently Dan stopped disputing with everyone online. He’d known it wasn’t right from the start, but the defensive side arose and he found himself thwarting everyone being presumptive of the nature of his and Phil’s relationship.

However, he started missing Phil’s company and conversation. After all the whole reason for this distance between them was because of a video abundant with so much love and adoration and it seemed erroneous to respond to so adversely.

Phil had made that video because he loved Dan and wanted to give him something to show him that. Dan had treasured that video and here he was now denying everything left and right, declaring that the prospect of him and Phil being together was essentially revolting. And yet he hadn’t even considered how his words might affect Phil.

Dan apologized to Phil profusely, ashamed for how he had been acting out of his own spite and only making things worse.

Understandably, it took a while for Phil to forgive him completely; to trust him again. Dan didn’t blame him. And instead he took the time to imagine what it would have been like to be in Phil’s place and have to watch the person you love deny everything important and precious about what your relationship was.

Ultimately, life picked back up and their youtube channels started skyrocketing. Working together and letting the fans run free with whatever theories they wanted, Dan and Phil rose up the ranks with one of the most passionate fanbases.

They built their walls, secured their boundaries prioritizing privacy. They started writing a book and planning a tour about their lives and origins.

They no longer worried about money. They no longer worried about what direction their lives were headed. Phil was happier than Dan had ever seen him, and he loved watching him spread positivity across youtube and he also loved having Phil a ray of happiness beside him in their personal life.

Dan still had moments, he still had fears and uncertainties, but he didn’t fling them at Phil anymore.

Phil was always there for him and always understood what he needed.

They released their book, they did their tour across three continents, released another book and were still thriving.

They started relaxing in videos, letting themselves be comfortable with each other. They started lowering the walls they’d built up years ago.

The fear in the past was if it would last. Of course you never think things would end when you’re in love, but it’s just a fact that sometimes people do fall in and out of love and things aren’t meant to be. They didn’t want to risk a public breakup and having a heartbreak on display for all to see.

But after eight years of being with each other, growing with each other, and putting faith into their commitment to each other, it wasn’t really necessary to hide anymore.

They weren’t going anywhere. Their relationship was one of permanence and longevity. They’d already faced good and bad times with each other. They’d grown an empire together.

Although they had become significantly more relaxed with each other publicly, moving still was a big step. There was no more hiding what they were to each other after that. Regardless of the staging of separate bedrooms, their demeanor towards each other in the past months said enough about who they were to each other and moving just confirmed those theories.

In no time a house was bought, a dog was adopted — a corgi, no less — and they began the next chapter of their lives.

With their new puppy resting on his lap, Dan pondered what the future held for them. Where would youtube take them? Would they adopt a child? What comes next? These were all questions Dan had asked himself before, but now they seemed more relevant, more real, and the chances of them happening were more feasible.

At that moment, Phil plopped on the sofa next to Dan, breaking him out of his trance, away from the memories, away from the opportunities awaiting them in the future.

Phil leaned into him, resting his head on Dan’s shoulder, his hand reaching toward Dan’s lap to pet their puppy.

Dan kissed his forehead. He had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky — how they’d gotten so lucky. They’d been through a lot, kept on persevering, but at the end of the day, no matter what obstacle was imposed on them, they kept on choosing each other.

Their story was unlikely and improbable, but yet, here they sit, snuggled together on a couch eight years later.

It became a good story to share, and an even better story to live, and Dan was grateful he got to live that story with Phil.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to give feedback or constructive criticism. i'm over on tumblr at exotictragedy.tumblr.com, come say hi if you want :)  
> thanks for reading, i hope you enjoyed


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